...and "I" became "We"

I realize it has been a while since there was regular updating, here on Ye Olde Blog.  As noted in a previous post, sometimes the actual living requires all of the available energies…  Such is life.

I also realize that this blog has inadvertently become a verbal shrine to What Was.  In order for that to change, I need to get back in the groove – return to the reporting of  What Is, and What I Hope Will Be.  With that in mind, I am here to share a pretty big chunk of What Is…

As of April 28^th, in the year of our toilet paper scarcity, 2020, I became Penny L. Weaver (!)  I have alluded to some pretty significant changes in the minimal posting I have done here in the past 3 years.  A little over 2 years ago, I chanced to meet an amazing individual who thought me fairly amazing, too.  We learned and grew together – there were adventures and much sharing and the making of incredible memories.  About a year ago, there were whispers of a shared future.  There were things that we both wanted/needed to deal with first.  As John Lennon famously said:  “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”  This has never been more true than now…  Sometimes, love looks like sunshine through the storm clouds.

The Groom and His Bride

 After more than a month of “wait and see” with regard to lock-down, isolation, and uncertainty surrounding the stasis of COVID-19 living, Tim decided that “better safe than sorry” was a good idea.  Sometimes, love looks like not waiting until everything is perfect to proceed.

He has been increasingly anxious due to the fact that I am uninsured.  When he looked across the table at me, late Saturday night, and said “this is probably the single most un-romantic proposal ever,” I had to disagree.  What speaks more of love than wanting the best for those that you love?  Sometimes, love looks like taking care of those that mean the most to you.

The Kiss 

SO…  With the question asked and answered, we were faced with the additional questions of “How?” “Where?” and “What?”  Getting the first two answered revealed that we also needed to answer “Who?”

How does one get married in the middle of a virtual global lock-down?  Well, firstly one needs to obtain a License to do so.  In order to accomplish that feat, we had to make an appointment with the Register of Deeds.  Having made several calls, and listened to many recorded announcements, we were able to do just that.  On Monday, April 27^th at 1:00pm we obtained the official paperwork to proceed.

Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue
Ring on index finger made from 1897 quarter,
backside of new *albeit temporary* wedding band,
the earrings B was given as my Maid of Honor in '97,
and my skirt and Tim's shirt.

 Another phone call answered the question of where one gets married during the pandemic event of COVID-19:  the County Magistrate informed us that he was available for such business between the hours of 9:30 am and Noon.  He did request that we not come at 5 minutes before 12, as the paperwork and ceremony would take about a half an hour.  This was also the point at which we were informed that there was a necessary “Who?” beyond the primary players in this event.  We needed two “Whos,” actually – and they were easily obtained after we checked in with of our nearest and dearest.  M, Tim’s youngest and B, who was actually my Maid of Honor at my 1^st marriage were quickly on board to be our required “Whos.”

The Wedding Party:  Masked and Distanced

 That left only the question of “What?”  …which, ironically ended up being the most challenging part of this whirlwind affair.  After the acquisition of much knowledge Monday morning, I innocently asked “What are we doing about rings?  Do you want to wait until later to deal with that?”  We thought it would be simple enough to swing by the local SuperCenter outpost of Wally World after dealing with the paperwork on Monday afternoon…  Turns out:  not so much (!)  His thought was that we could grab some “temporary rings,’ and find what we really wanted later.  A sweet thought that turned into an epic adventure that ended up with us being the last two people in line to enter Jery’s Pawn & Gun at 10 minutes to 6 (a.k.a. closing time) on Monday evening.  *honestly, I couldn’t’ have made this up if I were trying to be comedic!?*

Fine Wedding Jewelry
brought to you by Jery's Pawn & Gun Shop

 Now… With all of the pieces assembled, we set forth on Tuesday morning to do the deed.  We convened at the Magistrate’s Office at just before 10:30 am, and proceeded to gather in the tiny vestibule that served as the containment of his kingdom.  Money changed hands, by way of the protective flap below the tinny speaker in the bulletproof window.  Paperwork was reviewed and signed by the stalwart Witnesses.  The ceremony took place and the Fine Jewelry was exchanged.  Then, it was done.  Congratulations were received, and we headed back to the Register of Deed’s office to file the paperwork.  Leaving minutes later with certified copies of our shiny new Wedding Certificate in hand.

The exchanging of the rings
with festive signage
in the vestibule of the Magistrate's Office

There you have it! Love in the time of Pandemic.  A story for the ages!  We are still giggling over the surreal nature of the double-time manner in which all of this was accomplished.  Sometimes, love looks like making the leap – before everything is “perfect.”  It has been quite some time since either of us has been this happy.  It has not escaped me that I am so very lucky, once again, to be held in the arms of a great love.  Today and ever more, my song is one of gratitude.

These beauties arrived
about an hour after we returned home
- many thanks to MDP and Stan!

Onward and upward!

Words of Wisdom for Today:

You were born together, and together you

shall be forevermore.

     You shall be together when the white

wings of death scatter your days.

     Ay, you shall be together even in the

silent memory of God.

     But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

     And let the winds of the heavens dance

between you.

                                    ~Kahlil Gibran

4

A full moon, like a spotlight,

hangs over my shoulder

in the darkness of this early morning.

Just after daybreak,

two young rabbits chase one another

in circles around the back yard.

A loud blue jay

spends the early afternoon

swooping in and out of Shirley's tree.

Time is illusive.

You are with me always,

but ever more so on this day.

Onward & upward,

Words of wisdom for today:

Remembrance and reflection how allied.
What thin partitions divide sense from thought.

                                             ~ Alexander Pope

The 3rd Time Around

forever entwined

'new' life, and the one before...

you:  always with me

I have been called forth --

to come away from beneath

lonely trees of woe

laughter:  deep, rich, true

I can find no greater balm

to mend this bruised soul

my heart is lighter,

music and the sun are brighter,

greeting this me -- now

permanently changed,

moving forward, secure in 

knowing you'd be proud

Onward & upward,

Words of wisdom for today:

There is a comfort in the strength of love;
'Twill make a thing endurable, which else
Would overset the brain, or break the heart.

                                             ~ William Wordsworth

Photos and Poetry

Yesterday as I was blogging over at Your Creative Connection for my latest installment in our Thankful Thursday series, I promised to tell the back story of the photos I used in my post.  I also mentioned that I have a habit of finding words to accompany many of my photographic images -- it's a fun way to expand my love of poetry, and an interesting way to honor my own creative efforts.  I have included below the poems that capture, for me, the mood of these images.

The Man and I received this Bradford Pear as gift from my grandparents when his mother died.  It has been a source of endless enjoyment throughout the intervening 18 years *I didn't even know that these trees lasted that long (?)*.  It's an expressive barometer of the changing seasons:  resembling a snow laden tree in early Spring, when loaded with tiny white blossoms; lush and green throughout the Summer; ablaze in it's finery in late Autumn; and both majestic and bleak against Winter's sky.  

The photo on the left was taken late in the day on December 3rd.  I headed out to the back yard after being consistently distracted by this gorgeous tree all day   The one on the right was taken on Wednesday of this week (December 21st).  The day before had been grey and dreary, and I was very 'aware' of how bare it had become -- and so quickly!  I can only imagine that my awareness was heightened by the slow and steady rain that fell for the better part of the day.  They were both then 'arted up' by using the Prisma app.  It is currently my favorite tool for enhancing images captured with my cell phone (I recently upgraded to a Samsung Galaxy s7 from an s4).

How about you?  Do you have favorite poets you'd like to share?  ...perhaps favorite poems for certain times of year?  I'd love to check them out -- leave me a comment, and I'll see you here again soon!

Onward and upward,

Words of wisdom for today:

Autumn is a second spring
when every leaf is a flower.
                           ~ Albert Camus

49

Forty two years ago, I received a book for my birthday:  Now You Are Seven.  I still have it *no one who knows me can even pretend to be surprised by this* (!)  It is a lovely anthology of pieces selected for the young reader -- a mixture of cultural folklore, short fiction, arts & crafts projects, and poetry accompanied by vivid illustrations.  To this day, I can (and do) fondly recall a line from a poem about Bert (an amorous kangaroo, in a zoo, in love with Betsy Lou, who happened to be a kangaroo too):  "So they lived in one cage/till a very old age/and died at ninety two."  Why this is the line that has managed to stay with me for 42 years, I cannot say (especially since this book was also my introduction to Tennyson & Longfellow) -- but, there you have it. 

TA-DA!
Home of Bert and Betsy Lou

Recently, I mentioned this book to my mom (the giver of this formational tome) -- wondering aloud if it were part of a series.  She did not recall seeing any for other ages at the time. I have never seen another of this particular book, or any others like it.  But it got me to thinking:  Why not?  Wouldn't it be neat if there were an ongoing series of books designed to provide insight/comfort/encouragement as we cross the threshold into each new year and all that it holds? 

SO...  As a lover and collector of words that speak to me, I have merged words with images to create a collection to mark the occasion of turning 49.  Actually, it may be more accurate to say that these are verbal talismans to carry into my 50th year.  Thoughts, inspirations, and reminders to carry with me on the Journey.  This was a great deal of fun, although I must admit:  it took way longer to do than I imagined (!)  Reminding me, yet again, of my mother's supreme wisdom:  "It always takes longer than you think!"  

Rope bridge photo*
Paper Factory Hotel, Long Island City, NY

Book tower and cash register detail
Paper Factory Hotel, Long Island City, NY

Suitcases and cash register detail
Paper Factory Hotel, Long Island City, NY

Bedroom window - Paper Factory Hotel, Long Island City, NY
Zodiac Mosaic - Subway Station, NYC

Stairwell window and painted man
Paper Factory Hotel, Long Island City, NY

I have never been one to worry and fret over birthdays...  I see much truth in the old saw:  "Age is just a number."  Twenty + years spent in the company of an incredible human who lived large by this adage only served to galvanize that truth, for me.  I understand the 'why' behind certain ages being of some significance:  16 and driving; 18 and voting; 21 and drinking; etc., etc...  I suppose I understand marking the milestones of entering a new decade, too (?)  Having said all of that, I have a tendency to celebrate the odd; for example, prior to our marriage, I threw The Man a surprise party for his 45th *hey, any excuse for a good party - right?*  But I have never approached a birthday with any sense of dread.  I have several friends who bemoan the pending birthday, and it always leaves me scratching my head...  Another birthday?  WINNING!  I mean aging isn't always pretty, but it beats the hell out of the alternative!

Memorial Tree - Arlington Cemetery

I must acknowledge that I have entered my latest year from an entirely new angle.  After two years that contained profound personal and professional losses, I finally feel like I have reclaimed some sort of equilibrium.  I am eternally grateful for the folks who stuck it out with me, and remain a part of my life.  In truth, there are still dark, difficult days -- but these are no longer the bulk of the days...  I feel stronger in mind, body, and spirit than I have in quite some time.  I am thrilled to have a renewed sense of discovery and optimism!  

Be prepared, gentle reader!  I will be exercising #50for50 well and often in the coming year!  I look forward to having loads of fun, and I hope you will join me!

The Brother in Little Italy, NYC

Onward & upward!

Since todays post is loaded with Words of Wisdom, I am leaving you with a song. *nay, an anthem!*  I first fell in love with this tune when I discovered the album Planet Waves in my teens.  In the intervening years, I have heard covers from a variety of artists:  Johnny Cash, Jerry Garcia Band,  The Pretenders, and Pearl Jam.  The version that I am sharing here is *hands down* my favorite, after the original.  The Soweto Gospel Choir brings a power to this song that I have not felt in other renditions -- it gives me chills every time!  It is offered here as both a wish and a blessing!  

*Rope Bridge Photo -- This is actually a photo of a photo -- I would gladly credit the original photographer, had there been a sign (?)  This print was HUGE -- I encountered it turning a corner on the floor below where I was staying, and was awestruck.  It felt like you could just keep walking and go right on over that bridge (!)

One Year Ago, Today

...the world changed.  A brilliant mind was silenced.  A spark went out.  Friends lost a voice of comfort and an ever-ready helping hand.  A dog lost her loving master.  Our children lost their Father.  I lost my best friend, lover, and husband of almost 18 years...

Much has happened in this space between then and now.  I have learned a great deal about myself and others.  There has been a year of heart-breaking firsts, concluding with today -- the last 1st:  the 1st anniversary of this terrible loss. 

I am still standing.  Some days, I am a bit wobbly...  Some days, in spite of all the good that remains, I am inexplicably sad.  Some days, I can feel that immeasurable void that lurks just below the surface rise up and threaten to pull me in again.  Yet, against the backdrop of  loss, change, and other upheaval(s), I remain.  I am so incredibly grateful for all of the love, friendship, comfort, and support that my family and I have received in the past year.

It seems only right and proper to acknowledge all that I am thankful to Kevin for giving me.  A lifetime of gratitude for gifts that were always given so freely (more often than not, accompanied by a bright smile and the twinkling of those baby blue eyes).  His departure was just shy of his 64th birthday and our 18th anniversary.  While I still miss him every day, I am ever-so-thankful for the life that we shared, and all that came with it. 

Here then, in no particular order, are 63 Gratitudes for My Love:

1. The Love -- always the Love
2. Sharing & encouraging an inquisitive nature
3. Ready laugh
   *and the aforementioned smile & twinkle*
4. Patience
5. An affinity for acronyms
   *EGBAR, FIDO, MFSP, BFAD and many, many more*
6. Your brilliant mind 
7. The gifts of [y]our children
8. The ease and comfort of true friendship
9. An appreciation for good Bourbon
10. Generosity
11. Acceptance of my family
    *no small feat*
12. Taking an interest in my interests
13. Unwavering support
14. Endless encouragement
15. The Polish Electric Blanket 
16. Our odd shorthand
    *comprised of song lyrics, movie lines, and snippets of books we loved*
17. Our seamless tag-team cooking
18. Wisdom
19. Our home
20. NOT calling Animal Control the day Wito adopted us
21. Stolen moments
22. Understanding
23. Nearly always being the driver
24. Loving me
    *in spite of the mushroom years*
25. Tolerance
26. Living with grace
27. All the laughter
28. The gift of "Little Friday"
29. Good tools
30. Loving and spoiling Wito
    *and the rest of our menagerie over the years*
31. Forgiveness
32. Positivity
    *like nothing I have seen before or since*
33. Kindness
34. Living in partnership
35. Dreaming BIG
36. Being my haven from Life's storms
37. Adaptability
    *granted, one of the hardest lessons this Type A had to learn*
38. Talking with and listening to me
39. Manning the grill
    *which hasn't been lit since the day before you died*
40. Teaching me to fly
41. The gift of creative vision
42. Security
43. Time -- 20+ years (!)
44. Passion
45. Telling me you loved me (often)
46. Being a Gentleman
47. Embracing the bees
48. Our shared love of reading
49. Two decades of working together
50. Accommodating my interests
51. Speaking well/kindly of me to others (always)
52. My perpetual "Bride-hood"
53. A riding mower
    *and years of yard-work*
54. The Look
55. Being brave with food
    *in spite of the mushroom years (!)*
56. Respect 
57. Helping me find my voice
58. Making me a better person
59. The most awesome "Soundtrack of a Life" (ever)
60.  Dancing with me
    *in public as easily (if not as often) as in the kitchen*
61. It was quick
62. You were home
63. The Love -- ALL the Love

 Later days,

About The Word...

Did you have "a Word" for the year, last year?  I did -- last year was the 2nd time I participated actively in this practice.  I have written (and written, and written) about my disdain for the notion of Resolution(s) for the new year. I feel that, alternately, having a set Word (or intention) does indeed have an impact.  My word was "Question" and it provided ample opportunity to up my mindfulness quotient!

...as my bracelet appears to be in hiding,
this piece (also by Amy Smith) is a perfect illustration!

I think it helps *if like me, you have not done this regularly* to have extra reinforcement at the beginning.  For me, it came in the form of a customized piece of jewelry from fellow artist and friend Amy Smith.  For the first portion of last year, I wore my Word almost daily.  It was always near by or directly in my line of sight.  I was reminded *beautifully...  colorfully...  artfully...* of this desire, and I feel that it helped the notion 'take hold.'
  

Painted & Stitched
Canvas Cuff by Amy Smith

At times, to Question was simple and straightforward:  "WHY!?"  alternately, "Why NOT?"  However, when applied most rightfully, in more difficult situations (i.e. moments of frustration, anger, sadness, regret, etc.) it proved an effective tool in dealing with less pleasant matters in the moment.  It served as a virtual "Pause" button, inviting me to step back, for just a minute, and look more closely at the "Why... ?" of the things that were itching my mind or pulling on my heart.  Which, in turn, allowed me to quite regularly lay down pointless burdens before they taxed my finite resources.  Unlike the noble Oyster, we mere mortals do not produce fine treasures when we fester over the grains of sand that sometimes rub us the wrong way.  We produce irritated bellies and unquiet minds.  We sometimes produce a snapping, snarling presence that can appear to be overreacting to the situation at hand.  Hardly moments to treasure, eh?

Having embraced the notion/intent of Question for a year, I feel that I have come away more aware of things that can be troublesome for me.  I feel lighter in spirit for having taken the time to question my responses and answer for them honestly, even if I answer to no one but myself.  I would like to think that there has also been a benefit to others of my Questioning -- that I have emerged more fully present in the various roles I fulfill from day to day.  Perhaps this is so, or maybe this is yet to be seen...

This year, my word/intention is to Observe.  On first glance, this may seem a passive intention.  That is not my take on it, though...  In the spirit of mindfulness, I desire to Observe more fully -- to actively receive more random moments of beauty and tenderness -- to note *and to propagate* more of that which fosters joy and bliss, and less of that which weighs the mind with useless worry -- to see opportunities as they present themselves, and scoop them up like the gifts that they are rather than to relegate them to the dustbin of "one day..." -- to mindfully revel in the daily blessings that are heaped upon me, and take not for granted that I bear a responsibility to nurture and maintain them.
  

observe \əb-ˈzərv\
: to watch and sometimes also listen to
(someone or something) carefully
: to see and notice (someone or something)
: to make a comment about something you notice

What about you?  Do you have a Word for the year?  Is this a practice that you find beneficial, or is there something else that works for you?  I'd love to hear about it!  Leave me a comment, and we can continue the discussion.  There's always this:

Onward & Upward!

Words of wisdom for today:

"Be glad today.  Tomorrow may bring tears.
Be brave today.  The darkest night will pass.
And golden rays will usher in the dawn."

                                      - Sarah Knowles Bolton

Image Credits:
   Clearer Focus:  Taken w/ Samsung Galaxy S4, standard camera app
   Painted & Stitched Canvas Cuff:  Amy Smith Designs  
   Bespectacled & Observe:  The Graphics Fairy