...and "I" became "We"

I realize it has been a while since there was regular updating, here on Ye Olde Blog.  As noted in a previous post, sometimes the actual living requires all of the available energies…  Such is life.

I also realize that this blog has inadvertently become a verbal shrine to What Was.  In order for that to change, I need to get back in the groove – return to the reporting of  What Is, and What I Hope Will Be.  With that in mind, I am here to share a pretty big chunk of What Is…

As of April 28^th, in the year of our toilet paper scarcity, 2020, I became Penny L. Weaver (!)  I have alluded to some pretty significant changes in the minimal posting I have done here in the past 3 years.  A little over 2 years ago, I chanced to meet an amazing individual who thought me fairly amazing, too.  We learned and grew together – there were adventures and much sharing and the making of incredible memories.  About a year ago, there were whispers of a shared future.  There were things that we both wanted/needed to deal with first.  As John Lennon famously said:  “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”  This has never been more true than now…  Sometimes, love looks like sunshine through the storm clouds.

The Groom and His Bride

 After more than a month of “wait and see” with regard to lock-down, isolation, and uncertainty surrounding the stasis of COVID-19 living, Tim decided that “better safe than sorry” was a good idea.  Sometimes, love looks like not waiting until everything is perfect to proceed.

He has been increasingly anxious due to the fact that I am uninsured.  When he looked across the table at me, late Saturday night, and said “this is probably the single most un-romantic proposal ever,” I had to disagree.  What speaks more of love than wanting the best for those that you love?  Sometimes, love looks like taking care of those that mean the most to you.

The Kiss 

SO…  With the question asked and answered, we were faced with the additional questions of “How?” “Where?” and “What?”  Getting the first two answered revealed that we also needed to answer “Who?”

How does one get married in the middle of a virtual global lock-down?  Well, firstly one needs to obtain a License to do so.  In order to accomplish that feat, we had to make an appointment with the Register of Deeds.  Having made several calls, and listened to many recorded announcements, we were able to do just that.  On Monday, April 27^th at 1:00pm we obtained the official paperwork to proceed.

Old, New, Borrowed, and Blue
Ring on index finger made from 1897 quarter,
backside of new *albeit temporary* wedding band,
the earrings B was given as my Maid of Honor in '97,
and my skirt and Tim's shirt.

 Another phone call answered the question of where one gets married during the pandemic event of COVID-19:  the County Magistrate informed us that he was available for such business between the hours of 9:30 am and Noon.  He did request that we not come at 5 minutes before 12, as the paperwork and ceremony would take about a half an hour.  This was also the point at which we were informed that there was a necessary “Who?” beyond the primary players in this event.  We needed two “Whos,” actually – and they were easily obtained after we checked in with of our nearest and dearest.  M, Tim’s youngest and B, who was actually my Maid of Honor at my 1^st marriage were quickly on board to be our required “Whos.”

The Wedding Party:  Masked and Distanced

 That left only the question of “What?”  …which, ironically ended up being the most challenging part of this whirlwind affair.  After the acquisition of much knowledge Monday morning, I innocently asked “What are we doing about rings?  Do you want to wait until later to deal with that?”  We thought it would be simple enough to swing by the local SuperCenter outpost of Wally World after dealing with the paperwork on Monday afternoon…  Turns out:  not so much (!)  His thought was that we could grab some “temporary rings,’ and find what we really wanted later.  A sweet thought that turned into an epic adventure that ended up with us being the last two people in line to enter Jery’s Pawn & Gun at 10 minutes to 6 (a.k.a. closing time) on Monday evening.  *honestly, I couldn’t’ have made this up if I were trying to be comedic!?*

Fine Wedding Jewelry
brought to you by Jery's Pawn & Gun Shop

 Now… With all of the pieces assembled, we set forth on Tuesday morning to do the deed.  We convened at the Magistrate’s Office at just before 10:30 am, and proceeded to gather in the tiny vestibule that served as the containment of his kingdom.  Money changed hands, by way of the protective flap below the tinny speaker in the bulletproof window.  Paperwork was reviewed and signed by the stalwart Witnesses.  The ceremony took place and the Fine Jewelry was exchanged.  Then, it was done.  Congratulations were received, and we headed back to the Register of Deed’s office to file the paperwork.  Leaving minutes later with certified copies of our shiny new Wedding Certificate in hand.

The exchanging of the rings
with festive signage
in the vestibule of the Magistrate's Office

There you have it! Love in the time of Pandemic.  A story for the ages!  We are still giggling over the surreal nature of the double-time manner in which all of this was accomplished.  Sometimes, love looks like making the leap – before everything is “perfect.”  It has been quite some time since either of us has been this happy.  It has not escaped me that I am so very lucky, once again, to be held in the arms of a great love.  Today and ever more, my song is one of gratitude.

These beauties arrived
about an hour after we returned home
- many thanks to MDP and Stan!

Onward and upward!

Words of Wisdom for Today:

You were born together, and together you

shall be forevermore.

     You shall be together when the white

wings of death scatter your days.

     Ay, you shall be together even in the

silent memory of God.

     But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

     And let the winds of the heavens dance

between you.

                                    ~Kahlil Gibran

Zoom, Zig-Zag, ZIP!

Ahhh, fickle February with your actual and virtual highs and lows:  new work, new opportunities, slight set backs, and a return to a familiar place.  ...and just like that *snap* February is taking her leave...  SO much news, time just flies right by.  Let us onward, shall we?  Lots o' loveliness in store, and I don't want you to miss a single bit.

New and lovely things are happening in the work realm.  Here are a trio of examples:

Melodies of the Sea

This series (and another:  From the Night Sky) was inspired by the exercise of finding a visual line connecting the random patterns afforded by this marbling process.  It happened quite organically during the #50for50 project, last spring.  It was then replicated purposely for the creation of some special gifts this past Christmas.  Working with a set color palette, and within an established theme is the latest twist.  I have to admit:  I am loving it!  The decision to incorporate different sizes of the mini canvases has opened whole new pathways in my mind.  More happening here -- be on the lookout.  This whole adventure came about as a result of discovering this medium and the company behind it at Art of the Carolinas in 2016.  While I have encountered many loves at that show over the past 10 years, this one has had an abiding effect like no other.  Which leads us to our next nugget o' news...

It's "official" and I am delighted to share with y'all:  I am now an Artist Educator for Marabu.  This means various and sundry things, not the least of which that I get to be an ambassador for a line of products that I genuinely enjoy working with.  While at present I seem to be consumed with ways to use their Easy Marble, I am actually getting my hands dirty with other items (!)  I look forward to sharing some of my experiments with you, here.  I also look forward to incorporating these new goodies in my workshops. 

Big News this week in the land of Your Creative Connection:  We are officially a TRIO!  Michelle and I had the opportunity to spend part of last weekend creating and planning with our fabulous Guest Artist, Jeanne Faith d'Orleans.  We are SO excited for all that this brings to our efforts to provide a unique, innovative experience in October.  We have some delicious magic hidden up our sleeves, and I am SUPER excited about being able to share that with you, soon!  *ironically, if you were a subscriber to our Newsletter you would already know what I am talking about!?  ...they get all the juicy stuff up to a week before anyone else*

...oh, the giggles that went into getting this photo!

I suppose, in the face of all of this metaphorical sunshine, I should have been ready for a spot of rain -- yet I was not...  With the virtuous plan of heading across town to meet a friend for a good walk on the Cape Fear River Trail, I hopped in the Cute Ute last weekend -- and after a confusing sound and the refusal of said vehicle to run, I hopped back out.  Following a rather entertaining exchange with the delightful Stephen of Mitchell's Towing (courtesy of my AAA membership), I watched my wheels roll away on the back of a large tow truck.  It's amazing how badly you want to go somewhere *anywhere* when you know that you can't (!)  After much less delightful exchanges with various and sundry parties, I was able *with a little help from my friends* to secure a back-up vehicle that in addition to getting me where I am obliged to be in the interim, will also be quite handy and helpful once this crisis has passed. 

"You say good-bye, and I say hello -- hello, hello!"

Finally (and one of the many reasons I could not be without transport for a couple of weeks), I wrapped up the month with a return to the Demo Table at Jerry's Artarama in Raleigh!  I spent a happy afternoon on the final Saturday in February demonstrating Nature Printing with the GELLI Plate.  Had some lovely conversations with folks who lingered a while, and *add drumroll, here* it looks like I will return to teaching at Jerry's in the summer!  This is a "homecoming" of sorts, for me; I am thrilled to be returning and will have all of the details for you, soon!

Whew!  ...and, without a moment to waste, March is knocking at the door!  A few more firsts, and some comfortable regularity -- readying for more new-ness on the horizon, and seeking out additions to the creative roster.  I'll see you back here shortly, with more to share and look forward to.

Onward and upward!

Words of wisdom for today:

No winter lasts forever;
no spring skips its turn.
                           ~ Hal Borland

How YOU Doin'?

Hey!  Hi-ho! Hellooo!

So...  It's been a little while since I joined you here in Blog-Land (?)  SO much has happened in the intervening months (!)  It would appear that any sharing that took place during my absence here was done on Facebook -- and there wasn't that much shared or posted there, either!  

After the hustle of May, I opted to turn my focus toward getting a better handle on the homestead, and being more conscious of my health.  The Summer found me wandering the wilds with Ollie as often as possible, and spending more time moving than in the past couple of years.  I made a vow on my 49th birthday to pursue walking more diligently, and committed to at least one organized 5K a month.  To date, I have walked over 150 miles since mid-April and have completed twelve 5Ks *so far;* I've begun stretching my walks to prepare for 10Ks, from here on out.  The ultimate goal?  I want to embrace the big 5-0 by walking my 1st Half Marathon in the Spring (!)  

Let's take a pictorial look back as we catch up a bit, eh?

Scenes from a boat...
Time spent with
Ollie is never wasted!

Water flora

Water flora (pt. deux)

Just a couple of my "lake buddies"...
..and if that isn't a capital A in the clouds, I'll kiss your foot!

That, plus working was about all there was to June -- July entered and proceeded in much the same way, with a few notable differences:  on the momentous date of 7-17-17, I gave up smoking (!) -- long overdue, and far from easy -- so far, so good; I finally returned to creative work (!!!) -- it felt amazing to MAKE things again (things that had been rolling around in my noggin at night for far too long) -- and I am giddy to report that more is coming (both in this series, and outside of it)!

A new series of work (The Dream Keepers) -- begun in late June,
and the first piece hung in a show in July

Good friends, good food, and good memories:
The best things for what ails ya!
*...and "good bye" to the butts*

August brought the return to travel teaching and a 2nd engagement with The International Paper Doll Convention.  It was wonderful see so many familiar faces, and meet new ones.  I taught a packed workshop, and enjoyed participating in various aspects of "The Swinging 60s" inspired event.  A quick stop to see other pals (and make a new feline friend) on the way home, and then the much anticipated eclipse *which I celebrated by taking part in a Virtual 5K, replete with "Eclipse of the Sun 2017" medal!*  The month wrapped up with another momentous occasion:  The Girl graduated with her Master's Degree in Korean Studies from Korea University (a degree earned with straight As, I might add!).

August moments from August

More natural wonderments with Ollie,
visits with my sweet ones, and a crash course
in DIY home repairs rounded out August of '17

September found me hitting the road again, this time for The Rock n' Roll Marathon Series 5K in Virginia Beach.  The event takes place alongside the American Music Festival over the course of Labor Day Weekend.  My new walking buddy (and long time BFF) and I went all out, and got the 3-Day Pass for the Music Festival -- and the tales we can tell from that weekend would warrant a whole SERIES of blog posts -- it was QUITE memorable, to say the least!  ...and, in truth, it felt amazing to be making new laugh-until-your-cheeks-hurt memories.

Road trip:  VA Beach, here we come!
Medals, fireworks, odd street signs, amazing sushi,
and a visit from a lady bug

The Chihuly at the Museum of Contemporary Art was incredible
The full moon over the ocean on our last night was an added bonus

From just before the middle of September to the present, my attention has been split between getting serious yard work done here on the Acre, and establishing a new business in partnership with a dear and admired fellow artist.  *much more to come on the details of that venture -- I promise!*  October brought the opportunity for some hard-core adulting; you can bet your bippy that it was accompanied by some rather colorful language -- HA!  *kidding not kidding*  Suffice to say:  I now know a great deal more about the workings of homeowners insurance than I can ever imagine needing to have learned (?)  ANYway...  Live and learn, right?  I just keep on learnin'!

Stolen moments in October:  New frontiers (aka lakes) with Ollie,
realizing how old Ms Wito is getting,
and testing my new motto in wearable form

Pieces of November -- so far
A stem full of wishes, the bucket brigade headed for storage,
and laughter really is the best medicine

Which brings us to today!  Just last weekend marked the 10th anniversary of the CMMAG's role as Workshop Fairies at Art of the Carolinas, in addition to my role as Co-Chair of the Committee that organizes our efforts there.  The yard work of October revisited me in the form of tendinitis, and for the 1st time in 10 years, I moved no water on Saturday or Sunday of that fabled weekend.  Perhaps it is time for a changing of the guard?  Other developments of the weekend might hold sway over that decision...  More to come, as details emerge, gentle reader!  Intrigued?  Me, TOO!  I promise to spill the beans as soon as I have them all in one pot!

As always:  
Onward & upward!

Words of wisdom for today:

A healthy human environment is one in which we
try to make sense of our limits, of the accidents
that can always befall us, and the passage of time
which inexorably changes us.
                           ~ Rowan Williams

One Year Ago, Today

...the world changed.  A brilliant mind was silenced.  A spark went out.  Friends lost a voice of comfort and an ever-ready helping hand.  A dog lost her loving master.  Our children lost their Father.  I lost my best friend, lover, and husband of almost 18 years...

Much has happened in this space between then and now.  I have learned a great deal about myself and others.  There has been a year of heart-breaking firsts, concluding with today -- the last 1st:  the 1st anniversary of this terrible loss. 

I am still standing.  Some days, I am a bit wobbly...  Some days, in spite of all the good that remains, I am inexplicably sad.  Some days, I can feel that immeasurable void that lurks just below the surface rise up and threaten to pull me in again.  Yet, against the backdrop of  loss, change, and other upheaval(s), I remain.  I am so incredibly grateful for all of the love, friendship, comfort, and support that my family and I have received in the past year.

It seems only right and proper to acknowledge all that I am thankful to Kevin for giving me.  A lifetime of gratitude for gifts that were always given so freely (more often than not, accompanied by a bright smile and the twinkling of those baby blue eyes).  His departure was just shy of his 64th birthday and our 18th anniversary.  While I still miss him every day, I am ever-so-thankful for the life that we shared, and all that came with it. 

Here then, in no particular order, are 63 Gratitudes for My Love:

1. The Love -- always the Love
2. Sharing & encouraging an inquisitive nature
3. Ready laugh
   *and the aforementioned smile & twinkle*
4. Patience
5. An affinity for acronyms
   *EGBAR, FIDO, MFSP, BFAD and many, many more*
6. Your brilliant mind 
7. The gifts of [y]our children
8. The ease and comfort of true friendship
9. An appreciation for good Bourbon
10. Generosity
11. Acceptance of my family
    *no small feat*
12. Taking an interest in my interests
13. Unwavering support
14. Endless encouragement
15. The Polish Electric Blanket 
16. Our odd shorthand
    *comprised of song lyrics, movie lines, and snippets of books we loved*
17. Our seamless tag-team cooking
18. Wisdom
19. Our home
20. NOT calling Animal Control the day Wito adopted us
21. Stolen moments
22. Understanding
23. Nearly always being the driver
24. Loving me
    *in spite of the mushroom years*
25. Tolerance
26. Living with grace
27. All the laughter
28. The gift of "Little Friday"
29. Good tools
30. Loving and spoiling Wito
    *and the rest of our menagerie over the years*
31. Forgiveness
32. Positivity
    *like nothing I have seen before or since*
33. Kindness
34. Living in partnership
35. Dreaming BIG
36. Being my haven from Life's storms
37. Adaptability
    *granted, one of the hardest lessons this Type A had to learn*
38. Talking with and listening to me
39. Manning the grill
    *which hasn't been lit since the day before you died*
40. Teaching me to fly
41. The gift of creative vision
42. Security
43. Time -- 20+ years (!)
44. Passion
45. Telling me you loved me (often)
46. Being a Gentleman
47. Embracing the bees
48. Our shared love of reading
49. Two decades of working together
50. Accommodating my interests
51. Speaking well/kindly of me to others (always)
52. My perpetual "Bride-hood"
53. A riding mower
    *and years of yard-work*
54. The Look
55. Being brave with food
    *in spite of the mushroom years (!)*
56. Respect 
57. Helping me find my voice
58. Making me a better person
59. The most awesome "Soundtrack of a Life" (ever)
60.  Dancing with me
    *in public as easily (if not as often) as in the kitchen*
61. It was quick
62. You were home
63. The Love -- ALL the Love

 Later days,

One Month, One Week, and One Day = One Year

...since time stood still, my life *and the world as I know it* changed forever, and a new journey began.

Funny story:  Valentine's Day, for the past 20 years, has been a veritable 'movable feast' -- I never knew if it was to be a soppy, gooey, flower- bedecked, love-fest OR a "this is nothing but a capitalistic, corporate manipulation" (a.k.a. BULLSH!T holiday).  Aside from keeping me on my toes, it added a certain flair to our already unconventional existence.  It was magical in its own way -- this 'not really knowing'...

Over the course of our 2 decades together, I received *in no particular order* for Valentine's Day:  kitchen ware (8 Qt. Revere Ware Stockpot + Anchor Hocking measuring cups + Revere Ware kettle); jewelry (matching "fancy-wear" Marcasite/Sterling bracelet & necklace); books, music, more than a wee bit of chocolate decadence, and/or Dinner at Home -- nothing to sneeze at, given that The Man was indeed a Grill Master, and dinner at home usually spoiled me for ordering anything out that I knew was better when we did it together (i.e. Steak, Lobster, Grilled Shrimp, Baked Potatoes *bacon-wrapped!*, BLTs, Chili, Pot Roast/Beef Stew, Fried Egg Sandwiches). 

Occasionally, there were flowers.  Sometimes, we ran away.  Virtually every year there was, at least, a card (unless it was a complete bucking of "the system" -- a.k.a. BULLSH!T holiday -- year).  At the risk of sounding completely shallow, I will admit that the 1st five or six years of this unconventionality was not always received with the most grace in the 'off years.'  However, like so many other aspects of our lives together, it became yet another of "our things."  I didn't really NEED an external reminder, a dedicated holiday, or any particular reason to express (or receive the expression of) our love, because it just WAS.

These days, I live in a state of constant wonderment at the Love that just WAS.  The transformational power of having known such a Love as this continues to sustain me.  I feel as though I walk this earth under a banner that proclaims "I have been LOVED -- Greatly."  It is this knowing, this acknowledgement of something so much greater than the bits & pieces that comprised its whole, that allows me to rise each day and face the world with the absolute surety that LOVE CONQUERS ALL -- it possesses, in a way that no other force bears, the ability to change, empower, revive, uplift, and refashion all that ails us!  To quote the inimitable Patti Digh, "When in doubt, love."

So...  As I brace myself for the 1 year anniversary of my most monumental loss, I pause on this day of hearts and flowers, chocolates and declarations, to remember My True Love -- my North Star -- my complete, trans-formative, all-encompassing LOVE.  While I pause, I hold each of those dear to me nearer to my heart -- hopeful that some form of love such as that with which I have been blessed makes its way into their hearts, lives, dreams, and daily realities.

 

I am so, SO very fortunate.  Yes, I continue to carry this "blank spot" -- this space which can never be filled with anything or anyone else -- AND, I am also rich beyond measure because of all those who have circled their wagons around me to protect, nurture, and support this wounded heart of mine in the absence of The One who loved me into existence.

Onward & upward,
*with Love & Happiness to all*

 Words of Wisdom for Today:

...by the numbers

Five days after my last blog post, my beloved husband died.  He was my partner in every sense of the word – life, love, family, work, adventure, happiness, and sorrow.  The common refrain during the days and weeks afterward, as the news was shared and shared again:  “What?!” 

 

Today was the 5 month anniversary of his totally unexpected departure from a very full life.  Most days, I still feel that all of this is just some horrible mistake – it seems much more like a mere 5 weeks than it could possibly be 5 months *What?!*

This past Sunday was the 17^th Sunday since his death as well as what would have been our 18^th wedding anniversary.  It would also have marked over 20 years of togetherness…  *What?!*

Tomorrow, Thursday July 23^rd, would have been his 64^th birthday.

In just over 2 weeks, we will gather together – family, friends, business associates – to celebrate his life.

The “firsts” keep barreling at me – full body blows – I seem unable to be “prepared” for them, even when I see them coming (?)  This may well be the most jarring part of my new reality…  The 1^st hummingbird at our red honeysuckle vine was on April 11 – I wrote it down – as if I would need to be able to tell him…

There have been countless cards and electronic messages – each and every one arriving at the perfect time – such beautiful words of love and support, comfort and care.  I am mightily humbled and thoroughly amazed and ever-so-very-appreciative for every syllable.  I thank you all.

One set of hands has held me steady – re-centered me when I wandered off course – reached out, even when I thought I needed to be alone -- provided simple comforts in the worst of this journey.  My mother has been a rock.  I don’t know how I would have made it this far without her.  I love you, Momma!

Many whom I love and respect tell me that I am doing great.  I cling daily to this notion of what I am as ‘great’ – ever aware of the abysmal chaos lurking below.  If what I am doing is ‘great,’ may God help those having worser days!

I am forever changed.   

Onward & Upward.

 - penny